I have spent the better part of a year striving to live more authentically, to finally just throw-down and say “this is who I am, like it or don’t, this is who I am”. I have been seeking ways to do this without giving too much away, protecting my heart. That’s the danger when you are not used to always living authentically or really when you try to change any habit… you go a little too far the other way. We have all done it; decide to start running and go 10 kms on the first day (and then 0 kms the next day ‘cause you can’t move), decide to start juicing so you spend hundreds of dollars on all the paraphernalia only to realize it just doesn’t work for your lifestyle (how about you start with some smoothies and a blender), decide you’re not going to be a big pushover anymore so you’re just a bitch to everyone… you get the picture. For me it was sharing my big beautiful heart but exposing too much; literally hemmorrhaging my soul which left me raw and vulnerable – taking it too far – it’s okay to keep some parts of ourselves secret and protected.
There is a principle in Yoga called “Purusa” – Pure Inner Light of Awareness…. I am just learning of these principles now as I continue my Yoga journey – it’s starting to feel like there’s more – so much more to this Yoga business than bendiness and a Yoga ass. Anyway, Purusa is that light inside, your inner awareness; some might call it your soul, your authentic self, your divinity… This is the part of you that never changes- regardless of what happens to you – what memories you create – it cannot be changed. It feels very vulnerable to let people see this inner light – to live and breathe from this place – but what I am learning is that you do everyone (mostly yourself) a great disservice by hiding. The more I let this inner light shine the closer I get to “There” – sometimes I even am but still something happens that scares me – makes me feel a little unsure and I pull back.
Finally being THERE take a tremendous amount of courage. It’s probably one of the hardest things you will ever do ‘cause it’s all up to you. No one can make you finally decide to accept and love who you are and proceed with life from a place of authentic loving energy. It’s all you baby. It takes time, it takes quite a few smack-downs, it takes lots of self-reflection and then one day you wake up and YOU’RE JUST THERE.
And then, the funniest darn thing happens and you realize it was in you all along. You were always THERE – ‘cause THERE is inside you.