I have been thinking and writing and speaking a lot about fear lately…. What it does to our lives – how it can paralyze us. How it can be very real and not something we should fight or avoid. What it can do to make your life more amazing if you let it…
When I look at how Fear has affected my life – I can’t help but go ALL the way back to the beginning – I was a sensitive frightened little girl. What I am learning as a sensitive(but brave) big girl – is that I am terribly empathic – and I think during that time in my youth I literally absorbed everyone’s Fears… I could FEEL them – just like I could FEEL everything they felt or thought. I don’t want to go on too much of a hippie-dippie “that’s why I wear quartz” tangent here but suffice it to say this is where Fear sunk her cruel talons into my tender little soul and set-up camp in my guts.
I see now that Fear kept me from many, many accomplishments in my life –artistically and spiritually speaking – I set out for excellence in areas that I knew I would be excellent at but didn’t really care if others thought I was excellent. Like my corporate/button-down careers… that work kept me safe because no one would ever know the REAL me. The REAL artsy, hippie-dippie “that’s why I wear quartz”, singing cures my soul… ME.
And then, one day, FEAR really found me… it found me on August 25, 2009, and it had a kind, concerned doctor telling me that my 3 week old baby girl had Cystic Fibrosis…. It dug it’s cruel talons deeper into my tender little soul and set-up a permanent City in my guts… It stayed for longer than I would have liked… This time Fear made a big mistake though – it endangered something outside myself – it tried to dig it’s talons into the Mama Bear part of my soul and THAT made me come out swinging!
This was the catalyst for me to start fundraising and being a part of Cystic Fibrosis Canada… but it has become more than that… it has made me see that too many of us let Fear hold us back from being Real, from achieving our goals, from making that move and it all goes back to effective media and effective marketing… we are told to be afraid of Fear – to find away to get beyond Fear – Fear is not the enemy, Fear is not a bad thing…. Fear is fuel, Fear can energize you to finally, mercifully shed all the crap you let build up around you to protect yourself from letting anyone or anything in. We are so inundated with messages that anything negative in our lives is SO BAD – that as soon as we feel these bad things we let it stop us, we let it erode our beautiful lives into walls so big and bad that we “Fear” we will never get over them. Fear is just a feeling, it’s the same as happiness or sadness, or anger or guilt… and just like all of those feelings you can decide how to use it!
I guess what I am trying to say is that I have outgrown “Finding Fearless” it doesn’t “fit” anymore. It doesn’t resonate with me anymore because I see all too clearly now that Fear has never been the enemy, has never been something I needed to get passed… Fear was something that I needed to guide me onto the next thing. We NEED all of these things;
Light and dark;
Love and hate;
Peace and chaos;
Fear and Fearless.
Without opposition life becomes static – we wouldn’t feel the need to learn or grow… I feel big changes are coming. Do I know what they look like? Nope. Does that scare me? Yep. Is that going to stop me? ABSOLUTELY NOT!