Something pretty amazing has happened to me lately… some of my closest friends have thought that something I have done in the last few years warranted a nomination for some awards.. The first award was for Dove’s Celebrate Mom (I have been selected as a top 20 finalist!) contest and the second was in the Resilience category for the Fierce Awards. I, who am rarely at a loss for words, am at a loss for words.
The very fact that these people that I love, respect and care so deeply for took the time out of their busy lives to ask someone to acknowledge what we have been through the last 3 years and furthermore, think that we have done some pretty amazing things over the last 3 years… It so completely validates and acknowledges the pain and heartache,
the tears, the anguish,
the begging for mercy,
the seeing the mercy when it came,
and then finally the determination to make something beautiful and inspired from this hand we were dealt. Over the last year in particular I have had to say “thank you” a lot – and expressed time and again how I wish I could find bigger words…and I’m in that same boat again.
So – as a result of the nomination for the Fierce Award I was asked to attend a luncheon for all of the nominees this past weekend. It’s not often I am intimidated but I must confess, I was feeling a little out of my depth at the beginning of the afternoon. These women who are nominated for these awards are kind of a big deal – and at first I felt a little like an outsider. It took a lot of my big girl self-talk to remind myself that I’m a pretty cool cat (ugh, I’m so not cool, I just referred to myself as a “cool cat”) and with that I started up a few conversations…. One conversation in particular, blew me away…
I was drawn to this woman, who is a sponsor for the Fierce Awards, who calls herself The Psychic Cowgirl… we discussed at length her work – which I find completely fascinating – and then – like all mamas – we started talking about our kids and sharing pictures… I was determined to show her a picture of Rowan wearing her “Beads Of Courage” necklace … There were several pictures on my phone that just as easily displayed how simply adorable this kid is… but I felt an urgency that she see this particular picture…
I explained to Shannon that this necklace is to remind her that we all understand that having Cystic Fibrosis is not fair, that she is just a little kid and it’s a way to acknowledge every clinic visit, procedure, time from her otherwise normal life… this is done by giving her new beads for certain milestones. As I was explaining, a look of understanding came over Shannon’s face and with that… she pulled a bead of Blue Lapis out of her pocket and explained that she had no idea why but she had felt compelled to put this bead in her pocket that morning… this particular stone is useful to have when one is needing a little extra Confidence and Courage… it was then that I explained to the beautiful Psychic Cowgirl that in just 3 days Rowan would undergo her first surgery as a result of having Cystic Fibrosis. (feel free to get a little verklempt here)
I am blessed, we are blessed, beyond measure I can’t believe that I get to live this life with these 3 souls under my roof. That some cosmic recipe was thrown together and this is what came out of it….
But it is more than that – I know –
everyday we have a choice –
we have a choice to decide that it is universally shitty that my 3 year old has to have an operation because she has Cystic Fibrosis –
but I also get to choose to see the miracle that I met this truly angelic person who was able to give Rowan the gift of Courage and Confidence right when she needs it most. I also get to choose to see that while I have many times been pretty sure that Rowan got the wrong mama for this gig – this was a pretty clear message that she and whoever else conspired to make me her mama knew that this is what she would need more than anything – with her tender-hearted soul – she would need a mama that would find ways – or open doors to ways – that would give her Courage and Confidence to endure the things that she will have to. We all get to choose and see miracles everyday – even in the smallest little Serendipities – you just have to open your mind and your heart!