I know last week I wrote about NOW and living in YOUR NOW and MY NOW and THEIR NOW… sigh, I love it when my head and my heart are there…. I get so confused when they are not… wish I could spend everyday just letting life happen and I just wish I could have a clearer picture of what my future career will look like. I think that is why I have always liked the titles – like having a title somehow defined with more clarity – as long as I was a “Mortgage Broker” I would know that my future would look, well, “Mortgage Broker-y” – and I miss that (the clarity, not the job), I really do miss having that definition – and it conflicts with my new “hippy-zen” attitude because being wrapped up in titles is so contrary to who I want to be.
I don’t really feel the foregoing on a daily basis – it’s when I’m feeling guilty for not contributing financially to our family or when I’m in a crowd of new people – inevitably we talk about work and titles and distinctions – and saying I’m an “unemployed yogi in training” lacks some panache – but it doesn’t lack intrigue now does it?
I am struggling with the change of energy – with not having to go Mach II everyday of my life – with being able to just GO WITH THE FLOW… I am so used to prioritizing my life based on putting out whatever is on fire that I don’t know how to structure just a regular day… I know, I know, hard to feel sorry for me – and please don’t. I know myself well enough to know that even the anxiety I am creating about that is simply a diversion…
My daughter was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis nearly 3 years ago and now it’s time to heal – now it’s time to let go of all the garbage I have been slugging around for my entire life because now I have a perspective on life that I want to maintain.
Ugh, I know it’s sounds cliche but why don’t we all do a gut check this Monday morning and really think about how short life is:
- It’s too short to not be doing what you love,
- It’s too short to not be giving back,
- It’s too short to not stop and snuggle,
- It’s too short to slug around shit that happened to you 20 years ago,
- or 10 years ago,
- or 5 minutes ago.
LET IT GO!! Let it go.
I’ll get there. You all coming with me?