Hmmm… thinkin’ some pretty heavy stuff right now… thinking about how about 10 days ago someone did something to me that wasn’t very nice and they don’t know me well AT ALL so they have no idea nor will they ever have any idea – how what they did completely took over an ENTIRE DAY OF MY LIFE. Now, I’m embarrassed. How can I let someone, who certainly doesn’t love me – doesn’t even KNOW me – ruin an ENTIRE DAY of my life? There was a flurry of phone calls, tweets, text messages…. there were tears and jeers and an incident with a chocolate bar….
all that energy…
and for what?
Now, to be clear – I did feel threatened – what happened is that something pretty magical and amazing for me got smeared with a wee’ bit o’ shit – and that was disappointing to me. And, like us silly gals can do I let it bubble up all sorts of insecurity and self-deprecation. For a teeny little minute – I thought this person might be right. What’s worse than that, I let one person, ONE PERSON THAT DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ME negate a whole crap-load of positive things that are happening in my life right now – to spend an ENTIRE DAY pissing and moaning and carrying on…. sorry my dear wonderful, powerful, spectacular friends that had to walk/talk me through it. Today you have my solemn vow that the next time I call with crisis – there will be an ACTUAL CRISIS!!
Here is what happened, really. For the very first time in my life I am living AUTHENTICALLY – NO SMOKE – NO MIRRORS. Finally, what you see is what you get and what happened is that someone didn’t like what they had gotten and my poor little ego (weren’t you supposed to be death rattling in the corner) took a hit and once again, the thing about ego is that while it fools us into believing that it likes to feel good – what it really loves – what it really craves – is to feel so, so, so-so-so-so BAAAAAD. The worser it feels (yeah, I said worser) the more likely you will wallow in the pity party – ’cause the glorious thing about pity parties is that the guest of honour gets to marinate in their own – well – pity party.
Ahhh, well, now I get it. Now I see it for what it was – a silly little blow to my silly little ego and that feels good to simply see it like it is. The wonderful thing about recognizing that – is that it doesn’t even hurt anymore. Once again, the obvious question here is why – at times – do we so desperately trip all over ourselves to worry about whether or not someone likes us when, quite frankly, we don’t really like them?