Sometimes “The Secret” Sucks

“Any words you speak have a frequency, and the moment you speak them they are released into the Universe. The law of attraction responds to all frequencies, and so it is also responding to the words that you speak. When you use very strong words, such as “terrible”, “shocking” and “horrible” to describe any situation in your life, you are sending out an equally strong frequency, and the law of attraction must respond by bringing that frequency back to you… ” – Rhonda Byrne

I am a very, very, strong believer in the Law of Attraction.  I see it happen in my life everyday from getting really great parking spots – to my little girl having successful Cystic Fibrosis clinic days… all the way to just seeing that despite a little lemony obstacle in our life – we remain positive and amazing things happen to us everyday.

Here is where The Secret pissed me off for the last 2 1/2 years… sometimes life is “terrible” or “shocking” or “horrible” – would you describe having a 3 week old baby diagnosed with a terminal, degenerative disease any other way?  So, for just over 2 years and because I subscribed to The Secret so passionately, I ended up stuffing a ton of emotion down into the dark, shattered, hole in my soul… and I’m not gonna lie… it just about consumed me when I was too effin’ busy trying to stay positive.  What ended up happening is I ran around like a crazy woman trying to “do it all”  and “stay positive” instead of letting my broken heart heal…

 A unique thing that I am learning is that trauma is trauma is trauma.  A very good friend of mine was in a “terrible” and “shocking” head-on collision some years ago and when she and I talk about the grieving process we can relate… there were times when she just wanted to die, when people told her she was so lucky to be alive… and she was pretty sure they were wrong.  And that “but you gotta think positive” advice coming from other people sometimes felt very patronizing and dismissive… sometimes people need to hear “I’m sorry, that sucks”.

 Sometimes we just need to take a minute and let the Universe know that we are pissed off, that we are hurting, that something really awful has happened to us and we need to process, we need to cry, we need to punch something, we need to beg for mercy…

 Then, when the dust settles and there are no tears left to cry and our knuckles are bleeding – we need to pick ourselves up and carry on… now that we got that shit out of our systems there is room for positive words to create positive frequencies and have an AMAZING life!

 

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13 thoughts on “Sometimes “The Secret” Sucks

  1. It is important to give yourself time to feel whatever emotions come up for you and to really experience those emotions. Also, as a coach that focuses A LOT on positivity (not because its a popular topic but because I was on the other side and managed to come out of it for real), I’ve learned that you have to be very, VERY careful telling people to “just think positive”. It doesn’t always work that easily.

    The idea is to feel the emotions thoroughly but quickly if possible. No, I’m not saying rush it, but to embrace the idea that it’s ok to move past this emotion in the right time.

    Then be open to exploring different perspectives. Sometimes even horrible tragedies have amazing positive results but we can only see the positive if we are open to looking for it.

    Anyway, my opinion is that there is a middle ground rather than an either/or.

  2. Thank you! I think you’ve hit on something many of us have felt, but there isn’t a lot of information out there on it. Have you read Melody Beattie’s Make Miracles in Forty Days? She shares a really powerful practice for moving through those really horrible times in life. It’s a beautiful twist on the gratitude journal for when it’s just too tough to stay positive.

    Thank you so much for your openness and honesty, this was a great reminder for me (I don’t have to pretend that everything is fine and force my way through tough times).

  3. I wish I could “like” comments on here like on facebook lol. I’m actually in the process of reading “The Secret” right now and I find that a lot of what it says are things that I’ve been generally trying to do because I have noticed the effect having a positive or negative attitude has on a person’s life in general.
    It’s definitely great when you can take a positive away from something that could very seemingly negative situation, but also the grieving process is important, too, to get to that state.
    Thanks for letting me into your life through your blogs. I think it’s helping me open up to a new piece of my life that I hope I can continue on with.

  4. After losing everything — my health, my job, my step-daughter, my marriage, my mind — I also got really angry at The Secret and all of those “you attracted this to yourself” philosophies. I felt that they were essentially right for the good stuff, but they lacked good tools for handing the tough stuff.

    I thought I’d share two processes that really helped. The Grief Recovery Handbook issued by The Grief Recovery Institute was the best book for handling the losses. They define grief as a sudden shift in one’s Universe, and the way to move past the grieving is to *complete* it. Otherwise, the uncompleted grief is like a phone call that you never hang up. Over time, you end up with a big bank of unended phone calls blinking on hold. Saying good-bye doesn’t mean say “eff-off.” It means ending the conversation so the line can be freed for new calls. Wonderful work, using letter writing and reading as the medium. You can do it at home with just the book.

    The second process addresses Core Beliefs that get in the way. We adopt core beliefs as part of living. They come in handy, but often get outdated. Sometimes I get angry because things aren’t going the way I wanted them to go 15 years ago, and I need to update this belief. I got trained in Core Belief Reprogramming, and can provide this work for others. You can can trained, too, with Joy Gardner at HighVibrations.net.

    Between these two processes, I have been able to clear a lot of sadness and clutter, and — what do you know — The Secret and all its manifesting is working better than ever, and I feel authentic about it.

  5. After losing everything about 10 years ago — my health, my job, my step-daughter, my marriage, my mind — I also got really angry at The Secret and all of those “you attracted this to yourself” philosophies. I felt that they were essentially right for the good stuff, but they lacked good tools for handing the tough stuff.

    I thought I’d share two processes that really helped. The Grief Recovery Handbook issued by The Grief Recovery Institute was the best book for handling the losses. They define grief as a sudden shift in one’s Universe, and the way to move past the grieving is to *complete* it. Otherwise, the uncompleted grief is like a phone call that you never hang up. Over time, you end up with a big bank of unended phone calls blinking on hold. Saying good-bye doesn’t mean say “eff-off.” It means ending the conversation so the line can be freed for new calls. Wonderful work, using letter writing and reading as the medium. You can do it at home with just the book.

    The second process addresses Core Beliefs that get in the way. We adopt core beliefs as part of living. They come in handy, but often get outdated. Sometimes I get angry because things aren’t going the way I wanted them to go 15 years ago, and I need to update this belief. I got trained in Core Belief Reprogramming, and can provide this work for others. You can can trained, too, with Joy Gardner at HighVibrations.net.

    Between these two processes, I have been able to clear a lot of sadness and clutter, and — what do you know — The Secret and all its manifesting is working better than ever, and I feel authentic about it.

    • thank you so much for sharing… I think, also, that sometimes people didn’t see that what we were going through was a real “loss”. Trust me, losing what you pictured your life was going to be (ie: 2 healthy children) is absolutely a loss! Thank you so much for that information – I will check it out for sure!

  6. I just recently saw a bit of a “spoof” on The Secret. It was basically saying that there is more to it than just what was there. That action is part of the “secret sauce”. But I think your point is well taken as well. Being able to be authentic and honest with ourselves is paramount. I’ve shifted over time from being focused on thinking positive thoughts to thinking “possibility” thoughts. There is a remarkable distinction. Emily Dickinson said that for her, the genius was nothing more than dwelling in possibility. That is so very different. We can mourn, even be outraged by injustices and hurts but instead of being consumed by the negative emotion, quickly move to the possibility mindset. How can we make a difference? How can we help? One of my mentors once told me to always be a student – but never a follower. It was a valuable lesson for me. It does take strength to let go. And quite often, letting go is the most courageous thing we can do.

  7. It has been my experience that when we stuff our feelings they impact how we live our lives and sometimes even shape our personalities. True release comes from going into the feeling and letting it process and then letting it go. This often feels counter-intuitive, but I’ve seen it work with hundreds of people.

    There are things that feel terrible. The key is not to not waste our precious energy fighting what we can’t change and focus on the love that is in our hearts and what we can do for the ones we love.

    I’m sending love and light to you and your family.

  8. Another note. When the Secret came out we Life Coaches were frustrated by clients who didn’t want to take action and just wanted to sit and wish things true. I know Rev. Michael Beckwith and know he worked hard to get where he is today. So did Jack Canfield and probably all of the others.

  9. Totally accept what you are saying. And I have had a number of rather serious knock downs in the school of life. My experience is that no matter how bad things are (and yes it’s near impossible not to feel those terrible gut wrenching emotions) in moments of awareness it is vital to say “Is there anything, the tiniest thing that is a blessing in this situation” and work with that to pull ourselves to higher ground. No matter how justified we are to feel grief, anger or loss, these feeling and mind states are toxic and debilitating if we habituate them. We would never advise a friend or loved one to stay in those states would we, because we want to see them grow thru and heal. The same applies to ourselves. Focussing with fearless belief that life is good, will be good is the best option IMHO

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