Thinking a ton lately about how I want to move forward – what I want my life to look like – how I want to live fearlessly and authentically and the past few day I have been stuck, literally paralyzed by anxiety and stress and just a little dash of anger. I know, I know, I have a pretty huge event coming up so I will cut myself a break in that department but I genuinely feel it goes beyond that. I feel like I am on the cusp of some pretty spectacular life affirming changes and something is holding me back… the past.
Now, my past is not riddled with tragedy or abuse – my past is pretty typical for a woman my age. My past is all about me – all about the script I wrote for myself – all about the assumptions I made. All about the things I have journalled about for years and years and years. If you read a journal from 10 years ago or 5 years ago they don’t look very different… what’s that saying “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Very true in this situation.
So, I am going to try something. I am going to get me a big bottle of wine, maybe some chocolate, maybe a sappy movie and all of my journals from the past 15 years and I am going to marinate in the past one last time, I am going to cry, I am going to sob, I am probably going to get a little bit drunk. Like an addict taking that “one last hit” I am going to binge on my past insecurities just one last time and then I am going to take those journals and burn them page by page, scribble by scribble until it’s nothing but ashes and memories and love and forgiveness….
It’s time for my new life, my new story. One without self-doubt, without apprehension.
Are you in? Next Sunday, February 26,* take a minute for yourself.. gather up those silly little words that have done nothing but send a message to the universe to give you more of what you feel so strongly about you felt compelled to write it down. If you died tomorrow is this what you would want your loved ones to read… your kids to read?
Let’s do it. Let’s burn up the past and start a new journal – a new journal of having the courage to live authentically, fearlessly, joyfully….
*this date is selected as a result of needing to get a little Princess Ball out of the way – right now I haven’t got time to burn nothin’!