Sitting in my living room… big kid downstairs playing, little kid (and big husband) still snoozing away at 8:20! I still have my Christmas tree up. I think you get to enjoy it more for what it is after Christmas… peace,calm,love. Listening to some “spa” music and enjoying the quiet and taking a moment to reflect on the past year.
Wowza… it’s been quite a ride… I have scraped the very bottom of my soul’s proverbial bottom, empty, shattered, broken…. I have filled it back up again, put it back together. I have come to terms with what living a life where Cystic Fibrosis is just a part of our life… where my resolve to fight a good fight against it is gaining strength everyday… I have seen a new life laid out before me and I am excited by it… literally can’t wait to see what will happen next, ready to get on with it… thrilled for what this will mean for me, my marriage, my kids…
I want to talk about resolutions for the New Year and a different way to think about them. Let’s examine the usual “I want to LOSE weight…” I want to QUIT something…” While both of those resolutions are extremely important I am not a fan of where they put your mind-set… I mean, really, who wants to LOSE anything and QUITTING is for pussies…. so just flip it a little….. “I want to GET healthier this year….” What a great place to start.
For me, right now, getting healthier is about FINALLY living in the PRESENT. Every second of every day being GRATEFUL to push yourself to be HAPPY to finally give yourself an effin’ break! Give the ones you love an effin’ break. BELIEVE that it’s gonna be alright. Do what you have to do to make it ALRIGHT. Go out and get the life you WANT.
So, I guess for me that while I am obviously reflecting about the past year and enjoying the “fresh start” feeling that comes with a New Year. My most apparent resolutions are not so concrete as the usual losing and quitting variety… Like so many others weight loss and physical fitness are “goals” but they are not what I RESOLVE to do… what I know is that I want to keep working on my spiritual fitness – I really feel to the very tips of my toes that this is where the key to my true happiness will be (I hope I am not delusional that a glorious by-product of all of this personal development will be that my ass will shrink!)
This is my New Year’s list below…. it doesn’t look like any list I have made before – for the first time it’s a list created by inspiration – not my ego -it’s a list that can’t be checkmarked or crossed-off – there are no destinations with these words… just the journey – for god’s sake people let’s start enjoying this ride!! Anyway, for what it’s worth… here it is:
FORGIVE, FORGIVE, FORGIVE
LET GO. MOVE ON.
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE
RAISE THE BAR.
SIT STILL MORE.
“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.”
~T.S. Eliot, “Little Gidding”